The summer of 2008, Brett Farve announced his unretirement in front of cameras from several networks. One network, ESPN, upon hearing the news realized their wet dreams finally had come true and renamed themselves the BFN (Butt Fu**Network, I mean the Brett Farve Network).
In the excitement of the moment, John Madden jumped on a plane for the first time in known history to get across the country and hold his hero in a loving embrace. Mr. Madden asked the BFN if he could have exclusive rights to report all things “Brett” and do a 30 hour expose on the life and times of the best player of all time. (Which of course, once the special aired, it would play over and over again until the network had to break the cycle to show the latest Jets preseason, regular season, and of course post season game.)
John’s research took him to back to different segments of the world’s history he only thought he would remember from his childhood drawings in petroglyphs on canyon walls. John discovered that he was not the only human still living that experienced the sole continent known as Pangea. Fond memories of playing with the dinosaurs and the experiencing the earth’s ever changing environment as the continents separated, creating the world we know today. Mr. Madden discovered that Brett Farve was also amongst the dinos. Brett preferred the T-Rex over the Stegasaurus for the sport aspect the T-Rex offered. Unknown to all that are alive today, in our earth’s infancy, Brett Farve met a creature known to all of us as the devil, and he made a deal promising his eternal “youth” as long as Brett continued to do the devil’s bidding through out all of time. Brett concurred and played an integral part in our history.
Through out time, Brett has aligned himself with people of great power. It was Brett Farve that in the 12th century taught King Henry that killing his wife was a good thing (couldn’t agree more on some days). Later, he met with his peep, Adolf and taught him everything he knew. In the late 60’s Brett was sitting on a grassy knoll in Sugarland, TX as a prominent world leader drove by… following the devil’s bidding, the world leader was destroyed.
In reward for years and years of servitude, the devil gave Brett the gift of “the arm” that had the ability to throw the pigskin in a perfect spiral. Mr. Madden’s love affair with Brett didn’t start until the draft of 1991 (the year of the devil) where Brett was “chosen” 33rd overall.
His career spanned nearly 70 years (17… 70, what is the difference to someone that has lived for a kabillion years?) that had 442 touch down tosses and that, of course in Mr. Madden’s opinon, makes Brett the most amazing, most talented, most babe a licious football player of all time. (He would know after all- he’s been there since the beginning of time, though he didn’t have to sign a contract with the devil, he just lived an exceptionally healthy life.)
John interviewed several fans from Green Bay who were upset that Brett would go to another team, but since it is negative, John wouldn’t share those quotes with anyone. He found the sole Jets fan in South Bend of all places and he was quoted as saying, “I have been a firm believer of the devil’s power for many years. I am thrilled to hear that Brett brings the promise of “the arm” to my team, finally securing the Jets Super Bowl title. Suck it everyone else!”
In the excitement of the moment, John Madden jumped on a plane for the first time in known history to get across the country and hold his hero in a loving embrace. Mr. Madden asked the BFN if he could have exclusive rights to report all things “Brett” and do a 30 hour expose on the life and times of the best player of all time. (Which of course, once the special aired, it would play over and over again until the network had to break the cycle to show the latest Jets preseason, regular season, and of course post season game.)
John’s research took him to back to different segments of the world’s history he only thought he would remember from his childhood drawings in petroglyphs on canyon walls. John discovered that he was not the only human still living that experienced the sole continent known as Pangea. Fond memories of playing with the dinosaurs and the experiencing the earth’s ever changing environment as the continents separated, creating the world we know today. Mr. Madden discovered that Brett Farve was also amongst the dinos. Brett preferred the T-Rex over the Stegasaurus for the sport aspect the T-Rex offered. Unknown to all that are alive today, in our earth’s infancy, Brett Farve met a creature known to all of us as the devil, and he made a deal promising his eternal “youth” as long as Brett continued to do the devil’s bidding through out all of time. Brett concurred and played an integral part in our history.Through out time, Brett has aligned himself with people of great power. It was Brett Farve that in the 12th century taught King Henry that killing his wife was a good thing (couldn’t agree more on some days). Later, he met with his peep, Adolf and taught him everything he knew. In the late 60’s Brett was sitting on a grassy knoll in Sugarland, TX as a prominent world leader drove by… following the devil’s bidding, the world leader was destroyed.
In reward for years and years of servitude, the devil gave Brett the gift of “the arm” that had the ability to throw the pigskin in a perfect spiral. Mr. Madden’s love affair with Brett didn’t start until the draft of 1991 (the year of the devil) where Brett was “chosen” 33rd overall.
His career spanned nearly 70 years (17… 70, what is the difference to someone that has lived for a kabillion years?) that had 442 touch down tosses and that, of course in Mr. Madden’s opinon, makes Brett the most amazing, most talented, most babe a licious football player of all time. (He would know after all- he’s been there since the beginning of time, though he didn’t have to sign a contract with the devil, he just lived an exceptionally healthy life.)
John interviewed several fans from Green Bay who were upset that Brett would go to another team, but since it is negative, John wouldn’t share those quotes with anyone. He found the sole Jets fan in South Bend of all places and he was quoted as saying, “I have been a firm believer of the devil’s power for many years. I am thrilled to hear that Brett brings the promise of “the arm” to my team, finally securing the Jets Super Bowl title. Suck it everyone else!”
1 comment:
Mikey, you are absolutely right...suck it everyone else. ESPN became BFN and now it is going to become JETSN. Brett has come to help the JETS take over the world baby!! J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!
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